In a car, that's how!

One of my recent conversations with Nic went like this:
Audrianna: "How in the world are we going to move everything we own to Chicago?"
Nic: "In a car, that's how"

Sometimes I am just so thankful for his rational, practical responses, because of course I was asking how we would literally fit everything into a car and not how in the world I would handle all the stress of moving!

Nic's knowing response to my freak out moment reminds me why I am marrying this man, because he gets me and knows the only response to my freak outs is rational answers and prayer. :)

My recent thoughts on Chick Flicks....

Wrote this for a my Systematic Theology class this past week and I thought I would share it with you all.

You’ve got mail is my all time favorite feel good movie. I can sit down and forget the world around me as I enter into the world of Kathleen Kelly and Joe Fox. The movie begins when these two start emailing after meeting in an online chat room and begin falling in love without knowing the true identity of each other. Meanwhile in real life, Kathleen’s small book store is about to be put out of business by her biggest enemy, the owner of Fox Book stores. Of course it turns out that Joe is really the man she has been emailing and also is the owner of the book store. The twists and turns of the movie ultimately lead to them meeting and realizing that they knew each other all along. In the course of ninety minutes there is anger, romance, sadness, commitment and enough fluff to burry you in. But I love this movie and can watch it over and over moved to tears every time.

There is just something about the way that Joe understands Kathleen. There is something so romantic about the fact that Joe knows who she is but keeps the truth from her because he is afraid. There is something so touching about the way that Joe takes care of her when she is sick and brings her a bouquet of her favorite flowers. My favorite words of the movie are at the very end when Kathleen says “Oh how I wanted it to be you…” when Joe Fox is indeed the one that she has been emailing this entire time. The fact that they absolutely hate each other at the beginning of the movie and grow to love each other at the end is enduring.

But it is movies like this and hundreds others that I have watched over the years that have unknowingly left an extremely scarring mark on my heart and even today affect my relationship with my fiancé. Although going into every theological idea in this movie- as shallow as it may seem- would take quite a while, I would like to point out one idea that is given by this movie and many other media sources as well.

Through movies like You’ve got Mail women are presented with this idea of unrealistic romance as a necessity and crucial part of their relationship with their boyfriend, crush, husband or lover. The planned and perfected scenes of two fictitious characters falling in love with each other underneath equally unreal circumstances comes through the screen and directly transposes itself into the life of the woman watching. Suddenly her husband looks uncaring because he has never danced with her in the middle of the street. Suddenly her husband is unromantic because he has never purchased her favorite flowers when she was sick and tucked her into bed.

Although this may seem silly, I myself have fallen into this trap way to many times, I have expected perfection from an imperfect man. I have asked for the impossible- a day set to a soundtrack of roses, expensive dinners, perfect one liners and kisses in the pouring rain (with my hair staying cute)- from an unscripted man. The belief that woman can receive complete romantic fulfillment from a human, sinful man is communicated every day in our culture but it holds no weight.

The Bible sheds some light on this idea in passages like 2 Corinthians 1:15-22 where Paul talks about his inability to keep promises to the Corinthians but God’s ability to always fulfill His promises starting in verse 20, “For no matter how many promises God has made, they are “Yes” in Christ. And so through him the “Amen” is spoken by us to the glory of God. ²¹ Now it is God who makes both us and you stand firm in Christ. He anointed us, ²² set his seal of ownership on us, and put his Spirit in our hearts as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come.” The idea that the world or anyone in the world could ever fulfill the expectations that we have is only ever going to disappoint- God is the only one who can do this. We are also commanded in Matthew 6:19-20, ““Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. ²⁰ But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. ²¹ For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” This verse although talking about material things also applies to where we look to our fulfillment- when we look to our significant other for fulfillment we will find our joy and contentment stolen and destroyed when our expectations are not met.

Our fulfillment as women must come from God alone- we cannot look for the source of our happiness or even our romance to come from our husbands or boyfriends. When I put that kind of expectation on a man I end up hurting us both and we both end up frustrated. Our purpose as believers is to glorify God – not to look for romance to satisfy us. Apart from this fact we are told that our relationships on earth are flawed and cannot have perfection in any aspect. Why should our relationships romance have a different standard? Although I know that romance is important to keeping a relationship alive and am in no way suggesting that it not be present, I am merely suggesting that we start realizing the lies that the media is teaching specifically today’s women- who, upon turning on a chick flick loose themselves in an unrealistic world that in reality scars their relationships and hearts.

Something that I love...

I love serving with Nic.

Today marked two years of Nic being a part of a church in the suburbs of Chicago that we have come to love! On the ride to church this morning we were thinking about the various things that we have been involved in over the past two years with this church and remembering the fun we have had.

Today Nic spent his morning leading worship for the congregation and leading about 30 kids in our annual Kids pageant. After I led Sunday School for the high schoolers, we were invited to an spontaneous lunch with some youth that we really love.

I am struck often by the wonderful opportunity that we have to learn about ministry and life in ministry through this church but one thing that I always think is that I love serving with Nic and being a part of something that is bigger than just us. I love the planning and time that goes into creating lessons and games and the way that we are able to grow spiritually alongside those that we are leading.

Nic is an extremely talented leader, he is fun and serious, crazy and deep all at the same time. I love following his example and being known as his.

On our way home from church tonight, we spent almost the whole ride talking about the future- what we want to do with the youth in the coming year, what God has in store for this church and how we can be a part of it. It was the perfect bookend to a day that marked an anniversary of service to one place and endless blessing on us.

It is truly such a blessing to be able to serve with the man I will spend the rest of my life with. One that I suggest for everyone because it really does strengthen and challenge you.

How have you served with your significant other recently?

There is something about sleep.

It brings clarity and vulnerability.

It brings hope and understanding.

It brings about more sensibility.

There is something about laying flat.

Back against the sheets, body totally relaxed.

breathing in and out, in and out.

There is something about stopping.

realizing the moment your about to fall asleep.

rethinking the day while you are totally unoccupied by

any other -

homework

conversation

responsibility

phone call

text message

thing.

There is something about watching someone else sleep.

it makes you happy to see someone so relaxed.

it makes you want sleep too.

There is something about waking up in the morning

rested.

rejuvenated.

Alive.

There is just something about sleeping that brings us back to life.

I'm so thankful God designed us to need SLEEP.

How many hours did you get last night?

I'm Tired of Homework....

So, I'm writing a Blog post for the first time... in a long time.

I hope that my ability to keep a relationship is not determined by my posting on this blog for I would surely be a horrible friend.

This semester has been a blur, there is always something to be done. A paper to write, a phone call to make, a friend to catch up with, another paper, a test, work and everything else.

I am learning more and more about time management and prioritizing. I am learning more about being invested in where I am when I am there. This is what I am learning:

1) Listening is hard- especially when there are 2500 other things I need to get done, but listening is so important to our relationships. Listening with my ears, my eyes and my actions is incredibly important. I need to put away my phone, my planner and my mental checklist and focus on whatever professor, friend or family member is in front of me.

2) Time is precious- Time flies by and then we wonder what we did with it. I am learning more and more to put things aside and invest time in those I love. Even more importantly the time I have already been given with others needs to be spent enjoying and building each other up.

3) I can't do it all- Just like the void of posts on this bog will tell you, there are times when I cannot and will not be able to balance everything on my plate, its in those times that I must realize what is most important and most valuable and get those items done. God can do everything, I can't. It is as simple as that.

4) Taking time for myself is okay- I don't have to feel guilty if I take a break before I am finished with everything on my list. Along with this I need to cut others slack for we are all under a lot of pressure and each have things we cannot always get done.

5) My life is so full of Blessings- from the little things to the big God has blessed me so incredibly, I have such a wonderful family,(and the new family I will be gaining in June is just as wonderful) I have friends that care, I have a fiance who loves God so much and loves me in ways I never would have dreamed.

6) I am going to be busy for the rest of my life- This is not going to pass so I need to lean back into my Savior and get what I can done! Letting myself get weighed down won't bring him any Glory!

This is a ramble, not really a good blog post or anything life changing. But, if you are as busy as I maybe this is a reminder to let go and find peace in the reality that we are not really all that important...

"He who dwells in the shelter of the most High

will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty."

~Psalm 91:1~

The Demise of Drama

‎"Life is not an emergency, it is brief and fleeting but it is not an emergency...Emergencies are sudden and unexpected events and is there anything under the sun unexpected to God?"

-Ann Voskamp

God always knows what we need to hear and today I needed to be reminded that life is not extremely dramatic or unknown to God. Life is not horrible, or undoable, life is not too stressful, too overwhelming, too frustrating, too hard, too unfulfilled, too rainy, too bleak or even too insane.

Well, let me be frank, more specifically MY life is none of those things. Although I may feel at times that it is one of those or maybe all of those, I serve a bigger purpose. Glorification of my King.

I love this quote (Not sure how I feel about her book yet---yeah, don't think I'll get started into that here...:) But I love the idea of realizing that life is not an emergency- especially for my over zealous planning brain it is nice to be reminded that I don't have an emergency on my hands. But rather that I have a life that God is in control of and very actively taking part in. I have a life that is dedicated to something other than myself- and oh how refreshing that is. I do not need to worry about all the thoughts that clog my brain, I simply need to hand them over and say "here this is too much for me today- I think I'll go take a nap while you sort this out." AND guess what the best thing is- he already has it sorted out, he already knows that direction for me and is fully in control.

Wow... sometimes its the simple things that get you.

Emergencies are a part of being human, but they aren't a part of God- He's not surprised and even more than that, I don't need to live my life like it's going out of style.... tomorrow, it will still be here and THANKFULLY so will Jesus and his perfect plan.

The Crimson Facade

Her last bar of soap was almost out- again.

She would have to be sure to trade with those at market for some tomorrow, for she didn't have the time to make any this month.

Her hands were beat red from rubbing the faded crimson cloth over and over. She dipped it into the water and pulled it back out, repeating the process again and again until she felt that cleanliness had finally been reached.

Her blistered hands pinned the cloth above the stove, she prayed for a fast drying process and turned to preparing dinner.

The knock on the door startled her into fast motion, grabbing the still damp cloth she held it high in front of her as she answered.

"Mr. Holckle, sir, how do you do?"

"Fine, madam" he said, his eyes fixed on the crimson cloth.

"I see you are in pristine, excellent condition, as you always are!"

She looked around the dingy one room and then down at her own rags.

"Of course sir." she replied gluing her own eyes to the clean fabric held in her hands.

"Well, the wife sent me over to see if you had any eggs we could spare, having company this evening and the blasted chicken was stolen yesterday."

"Of course, just let me grab a few" she said while turning on her heels to grab a basket from the shelf, she filled it with half a dozen eggs- all she had, all the while holding the cloth in Mr. Holckle's sight while she did so.

"Thank you so ever much, you are gracious as always!" he replied as he retreated through the door. She shut it with a sigh and with now trembling hands looked down at her square of red cloth which was now dirty from her fast movements with the eggs.

She sighed and reached again for the bucket. she would have to pray that her soap would carry her till tomorrow evening, when she could barter for soap. She gently dropped the rag back into the clean water and began scrubbing.

All the next day she carried on with her normal self, stopping 3 or 4 times to clean the fabric. As she walked to get water in the morning, it went ahead of her. As she visited the sick, it was there between her fingers, held at eye level.

"How gorgeous you are today!" They all stated as she walked by in faded brown rags.

At the market, she carried her freshly clean friend like a lantern ahead of her, searching for the bars of soap. There was only one man selling them and they were twice as much as she could afford.

"Sir, would you take it for half as much?"

"You must think me crazy pretty lady- you will have to search elsewhere!"

"Please- i need at least one bar, I will pay you the difference later!"

"I said- get out, I only take full price!"

Others were pushing to get in towards the table and in her anger she spun on her feet, tumbling to the ground- she put out her hand to steady herself but in her hurry the red cloth was buried beneath the weight of her arms. She quickly tried to grab the now dirt stained cloth and run away from the salesmen but he had seen her fall. He called to all those around him-

"See that slave there! The one with the brown dress- not a minute ago I would have sworn she was a lady, bargaining for soap! Should have known better, the well dressed would never ask for half priced!"

"Hey- I saw her this morning dressed in gowns of fine cloth - she must be a thief! Lets get her!"

The tears started in her eyes as she saw them begin to run after her, she clutched her cloth and ran through the merchants tables, darting people and running with all her might. She turned to see where her pursuers stood and ran right into the chest of a large man.

"Forgive me sir" she mumbled,

"No, forgive me my lady, your beauty must have blinded my senses."

He must be joking, she thought for raising her tear stained cheeks she saw his well groomed appearance- why he must be of royal descent! She bowed her head and heard the others catching up with her.

"Your Highness, this woman was caught trying to steal bars of soap!"

"Thats not true, sir! I am an honest woman!"

"She is a deceiver! Just yesterday she stole my only chicken!" She looked up in shock to see Mr. Holckle staring at her red faced.

The prince looked into her eyes, "Are these accusations true my lady?"

"she is no lady!" someone scoffed!

She hung her head- what could she say to make him believe.

"You are all dismissed" the prince said to those around him.

"You should be ashamed of yourselves for treating my princess in such a manner! Now I see what kind of people you really are!" She lifted her head in disbelief, princess? she was no such thing!

"Princess?" the word mumbled through the crowd as people scattered quickly, not wanting to be recognized.

She was left alone with the prince-

"My Lady, shall we see if we can find you something more fitting to wear? Something that perhaps will not fail you so easily next time?"

"Yes-s myy Lord." she stammered.

She took his arm and they began to walk,

"Ah- one more thing." he said smiling as he took the red cloth from her hands and dropped it onto the dirt road.

"LORD, hear my prayer, listen to my cry for mercy; in your faithfulness and righteousness come to my relief. Do not bring your servant into judgment,

for no one living is righteous before you. The enemy pursues me,

he crushes me to the ground; he makes me dwell in the darkness like those long dead. ...Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I entrust my life. Rescue me from my enemies, LORD, for I hide myself in you. Teach me to do your will,

for you are my God; may your good Spirit lead me on level ground."

~~~Psalm 143~~~